Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Hope Anchors The Soul

Did you know May is Postpartum Depression & Anxiety month?

It's taking me a lot to publish this post. This is something I have had written up and saved until I felt like it was the right time. But with May being Postpartum Depression & Anxiety Awareness month, I felt like it was a good time. I feel like no one really talks about it because when you are a new mom you are flooded with so many emotions. Which is completely normal. What isn't normal is that you can't seem to pull yourself out of those emotions or are having really bad thoughts.
Fortunately I didn't deal with severe Postpartum depression, but the postpartum anxiety part is what got to me. And unfortunately it STILL gets to me. Most people will say it's not classified "Postpartum" after your baby turns a year. But I have to disagree. As your baby grows and enters new stages, you will always have so many emotions and it might bring out fears. Which can turn into anxiety and sometimes depression. For me, I keep all of my emotions bottled up so no one can tell how I'm feeling. Not that I want to hide them, I am just the type of person who rather not talk about things. Which is a no-no. If you are a new mom, please don't avoid talking about your feelings. You just went through SO much and it's okay to feel down. And it's okay to seek out help. Most moms are put up on a pedestal and we are supposed to be so strong and the glue that holds everything together.....ummm that's way to much for one person to take on. Especially a first time mom. No wonder so many moms deal with some kind of depression or anxiety because we are wired to think we have to live up to certain standards. 

I can remember the first few weeks I could not hold in tears. I would just look at my daughter and start crying. No reason, just happened. Being a new mom you really are just thrown in motherhood and there isn't an exact guideline as to what will happen and how you will feel. 
Of course this is such an exciting time and you shouldn't be worried about developing depression or anxiety (because that will ruin your excitement) I honestly didn't even think about any of that happening, especially I didn't think it would happen to me. When I was pregnant I barely dealt with crazy hormones and I was pretty calm. But then I went through labor, delivery, and recovery. Which at the time I didn't think anything of it, even though it was really hard on me physically and mentally. But through that I developed postpartum anxiety. I was constantly anxious and fearful. I always felt tense in every situation. It effected a lot, and I was always in a constant state of worry.  I have so many supportive and caring people, but it took a long time to talk about how I felt, or ask for help. Because I felt like I should be able to handle it on my own. 
I can't quite explain how or when I started to come out of it, but the more open I was with my husband and close friends, the better I started to feel. 
For every new mom out there. I want you to know that there is always hope. Seek it out. Ask for help. Don't bottle your emotions. And you aren't in this alone. You may feel alone, but I can promise you, you are not. Don't feel embarrassed or ashamed because you feel like you can't handle being a mom. Because you can handle it. You just have to believe in yourself. 

Mom life is tough, but I have found who I want to be, being her mom. She is my hope that anchors my soul. 

Matching shirts: Little Blessing Co 

Ellie's ruffle bow: Glow623