Monday, February 1, 2016

One Year Ago

A year ago I was feeling off. I would wake up in the middle of the night nauseous and have to go downstairs to find some crackers to fight it off. Not thinking anything of it. 
A year ago I was drinking my morning coffee and it tasted like the best thing ever. Then the next day it made me horribly sick and I couldn't even handle the smell. 
I found myself in our closet crying because well our clothes were so disorganized and it was upsetting. 
I started to notice I was feeling oddly crampy and had the worst pain in my boobs I ever felt. I was feeling intense pms symptoms thinking that I was about to have the worst period of my life. 
A year ago I started to wonder...could I be pregnant? Am I? No because I feel like I'm about to start my period. 
I had a dream, about the most beautiful baby girl I have ever seen. 
A year ago my period was only a few days late. But it's usually right on time. I figured it was just from stress from the wedding and having a big life change. 
But I started to wonder...
I began to be extremely exhausted and I had to take a nap everyday after work just to make it through. 
A year ago, today I was at my parents with the whole family, and talking to my sister in law about how I was feeling. She told me that I should take a test, just to see. And as I finished eating gluten/dairy free pizza I felt so sick from it. I laid on the couch just praying I wouldn't throw up. 
I knew something was up. 
That evening I drove to Giant to get a test. Thinking the whole way there that I just knew something was going on. At least I prayed because I was becoming a very  sickly and hormonal person that if I wasn't pregnant, I needed some special therapy. 
I came home and immediately took a test. I wasn't going to look at it for a whole two minutes. 
As I set the test on the counter, I saw two little pink lines that changed my life forever. 
I stood in my bathroom in shock, tears streaming down my face, and shaking staring into the mirror. So many thoughts ran through my head. Excited, scared, happy, shocked to name a few. My heart raced as my husband called and said he was on his way home from work. Would I tell him right away? I placed the test on our bathroom counter and paced all around our house trying to calm myself down. Waiting for him to get home felt like the longest 20 minutes of my life. My husband walked through our door and I immediately told him to go upstairs into our bathroom. He spotted the test. 
A year ago my husband found out he was going to be a father. With tears in both of our eyes we hugged each other, and still couldn't believe it. We both wanted a baby but we wanted to wait just a little. 
God had other plans. 

A year ago, February 1st 2015, I found out I was pregnant.  As soon as I wrapped my mind that this was real and I wasn't dreaming. I started to pray. I prayed every single day, multiple times. I prayed for my baby to be healthy, grow strong, and be everything we wanted. 

A year ago I developed such a deep love for someone who was as tiny as a poppyseed but would grow as big as watermelon. Only to have our love grow even bigger before officially meeting. But I had not the slightest clue how much I would love my baby. 

"Before you were born
We dreamed of you
We imagined you
We prayed for you
Now that you're here
We hope for you
We love you, and we
Thank God for you
Every single day"

Ellexia Skye you are our world and you are everything and more that we prayed for. You may still be so little but the impact you have made in your mommy and daddy's life is truly incredible. 
You are such a blessing
A miracle
The best gift. Ever.