Wednesday, November 25, 2015

I Wasn't Prepared For....

When you're pregnant you get told a lot of advice, stories, dos, and don'ts. Many people will tell you about their pregnancy and tell you to prepare for certain stages. Like prepare to completely break down when your shirts become belly shirts and your jeans don't go past your hips. Or to prepare for the crazy cravings that hit and you make your husband run to the store after a long day at work. You read all the books, articles, and download a hundred different pregnancy apps all to prepare you for what's ahead. 
I was prepared for every stage of pregnancy. 

Then the closer you get to your due date you'll start to prepare for labor. You'll decorate the nursery, plan baby's coming home outfit, and pack your hospital bag. You'll prepare for labor and delivery by taking a childbirth class and reading articles online. Or you'll watch birth videos on YouTube. 
I was prepared (as much as I could be) to give birth. 

But what I wasn't prepared for was for everything that happens after pregnancy. 
I wasn't prepared to feel such a deep love for someone I didn't even know. Or to shed so many tears. I wasn't prepared to fall even more in love with my husband by watching him turn into a father. Or to cry just by watching him take a million pictures because he just can't get enough of his little girl. I wasn't prepared to feel such a strong sense of being a mama bear. I do everything in my willpower to protect my baby and to keep her safe. 
I wasn't prepared for all the happy dances my husband and I would do over her little burps and for everytime there's a poopy diaper. Or saying bless you everytime we hear a little sneeze. I wasn't prepared for all of the lack of sleep but in those quiet hours of the night are times I cherish because I know one day will come when I won't be awoken and needed at night. 
I wasn't prepared to put someone else's needs before mine so much that I'll forget to eat but it doesn't matter as long as she is happy and taken care of. 
I wasn't prepared to feel a even more deeper connection with my husband as we both learn how to be parents and to figure things out together. Or that my love only grows stronger for him as he gently kisses her forehead everytime he holds her. 
I wasn't prepared to have to hold myself together watching someone prick her foot and squeeze blood out of it to check her jaundice levels every week. But I had to be strong for her because I knew she needed her momma for comfort. 
I wasn't prepared for all the struggles breastfeeding would bring. All the pain I knew. But I wasn't prepared for her to develop breastfeeding jaundice and to be losing weight, and having a doctor basically tell me I'm a horrible mom because it just seemed like she wasn't getting enough to eat. I was told to supplement countless times. Something in me just didn't feel right about formula and I knew breastmilk is the best thing for her.  So I didn't give up. And now her jaundice is almost gone and she's gaining weight. Newborn diapers are a thing of the past and she's now in 0-3 months clothes. 
I wasn't prepared for little eyes to look up at me and smile making my heart just explode. And to shed even more tears seeing her grow up right before my eyes. Or to just stare at her in awe of just how beautiful she is. 
I wasn't prepared for what motherhood would bring. Of course I have wanted to be a mom, probably my whole life. But there aren't any books or apps that prepare you for motherhood. It's just something you learn along the way.

God gave me his greatest gift, and I will always feel incredibly blessed that he chose me to be her mom. And I promise to my daughter that I'll be the best mom to her.